A raging fish on a heater

I took a bunch of day pay loans with super high interest so I am truly ****ED.
I cba to write my whole story here but I am mentally hurt and traumatized.

Kthxbai cant even sleep as ****ing mentioned

Three days ago you said you were getting 1.5-2k, and nine days ago you said you were debt free. Were those both lies?

Depends how bad you want it. I built my liferoll up initially doing a job no one likes which is roofing. It's better if you can find a job you like I agree but most people don't really like their jobs...

sometimes you just gotta grind it out and if he really wants to have a bankroll just suck it up for a few months no one is saying he has to work a job he hates for a lifetime.

Depending where you live even a job like a waiter can pay great (maybe not in Sweden, not as much tipping culture?) But point is there are quite a few jobs that can pay well even without some advanced degree or knowledge.

this is comical. he is diagnosed as the joker.
He needs some help. take the $500 and try and win 2 hands at blackjack is your best bet. if u know basic stragegy and abide by it u got a decent shot of winning. probably a higher chance of making 2k than if u played 2/5 nl.

Yeah something is not adding up unless he took out the loans in the last 3 days since he busted. Why would you give your dad 1300 if you had payday loans with insane interest rates racking up? I'm sure he wouldn't want you do to that either.

Payday loans are death man if you are serious that you have several thousand in payday loans you are probably just going to have to file bankruptcy which might be the best thing for you anyways you can't handle credit.

But seriously take advantage of free therapy if you can get it. You need some help balancing your life out.

just don't pay them. how much were the initial loans?

That is excluding my sick pay which will come for around 1-1.5k which I get retro actively.

I work 50% only so I get sick pay.

I paid of all personal debts, thats what I ment.

Edit: like I already said it but I am such excruating mental anguish that I cant sleep.
Took combined 12 pills and nothing is happening.
All I can think is about my bankroll I had, its ****ing all I can think about.

Most importantly DONT take any more pills for fuck sakes. Go for a run or something if you can do that safely. Do push-ups and jumping jacks till your exhausted. Play video games if that helps get your mind off things.

Tomorrow when you wake up find a therapist.

Thanks for caring mate.
Im done with pills for tongiht, im supposed to take 2 of each but I took 6 each cause I want to turn off like you turn off a computer.

But its agonizing man it physically hurts.
It ****ing sucks so hard man.

Tomorrow I will ask merciful father to receive back some of the ~1.2k i gave him.
I will promise him to not go play live (he absolutely hates it) and will try to make a deal to pay him back when I win again.

Went outside for a walk felt even worse.
Last time I did that walk I was a ****ing baller.
Now I am a ****ing dead loser.

Fml man FML fml fml

Seen it, nice video.
Have been binge eating since I came home.
Just ate again.
I already said it twice but I am in deep excruating anguish at the moment.

Will promise my dad I wont play any live poker for a month in order to get back $1k.

Kthxbai guys thanks for all the quick support.

Took some more sleeping meds.
Nothing works.
Im working tomorrow 11.30-15.00 and I need sleep.

I just ****ing cant relax, I am on the Verge of having a panic attack which I never had.

you need to go into solitude bro.

nothing in this world including money or achievements in poker should give you a high and a low when u lose.

then comes the point what is the point of playing poker?

only solitude will teach you this.

What’s gym routine looking like?

I have a journal here called the fitness well if you check out my other threads.
Basicly

Chest
Back
Legs
Rest
Repeat

Since I am in heavy meds im never in the gym for more than 30-40 minutes.

Woke up today, I slept like 4 hours.
Very tired but will drink 2 energy drinks and be close to fine.
Kthxbai!

No matter how big your bankroll will be Chany it will disappear if you don’t defeat your inner demons first, if your goal is to have poker career and live off of poker winnings you need to be responsible

I know it’s hard but bankroll management is the most important part, without it you will just end up busto everytime, also using your poker roll to play blackjack is like wtf man don’t worry about thinking how big your bankroll would be, your bankroll will be always 0 if you don’t fix your approach first

He needs to quit poker/gambling. Its ruining his life. I also need to follow my own advice.

1) chicks hate it.
2) takes a lot of time.
3) future of poker looks not good.
4) other ways to make more coin.

Man, Sweden sounds amazing. You get guaranteed income from when you choose not to go to your 3.5 hour a day, 4 day a month job, free healthcare including mental healthcare, and the best music in the world.

So when you said this, you meant that you paid off your personal loans with a 0% interest rate but not your payday loans with massive interest rates?

i know.
read through this journal, basicly never have i dusted of a single penny on blackjack but i was just so ****ing tilted and frustrated wanted my money back ASAP which was a huge mistake.
$600 is a lot of money, i could turn that into a couple of grand and then into $10k and etc.
i regret it deeply.

i know i am fighting demons inside my mind and head, they won over me for now but i am not giving up.

im quitting when im ded.

that's ******ed but yeah, basicly all personal loans. should have paid off the high interest rate ones first instead of giving my dad roughly a grand.

im ****ing ******ed guys i know, i am coping.

work went well.
atm waiting for a phone call, will be working a event and they are going to brief me over phone.

atm playing a $11 satty to the $215 stacko.
lets ****ing go shall we?

Are you going to do the responsible thing and unregister the $215 if you cash the satty? I fear I already know the answer....

Ofc not. We play for the glory here.

AND I AM woops caps.
and i am ****ing busto. busto busto busto.
that's what i am.

did i mention that i am busto?
fml man, had $22 and scorched it all big time.

Disappointing to see this but it will repeat until you accept you must change your approach to poker. I say this from experience and the feeling of blowing a big roll is the worst I ever felt while playing poker. As a result I stopped playing for a few years until I changed my approach to the game from being concerned with profit and making money to playing for fun combined with learning to get better by studying, listening to advice from others and trying different strategies.

That said the foundation of it all is bankroll management and without this it would all be useless. Only you can change your story by committing to being disciplined and listening to others when they offer good advice. You have demonstrated you have the skill but you let yourself down by not managing your roll very well.

Come on dude, you said you don't like this situation so change it. Go get em and gl.